Gregg

THE PET MONKEY A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table! He swallowed it whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate then leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his arse, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "No, what?" replies the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his arse, pulled them out, and ate em!" said the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he measures everything first." !!!

Hi Beisel, Did you have to remove the shock from the bike or undo the bottom link to fit the sock, or could you manage to get it on without any removal ? I am trying to get them to post one down to Sydney for my Griso.

Scura # 255 for sale. 68,000km young, 6 months NSW registration, new Pilot Power 2 tyres. Extras on this reasonably unique bike are : Paul's Carbon tail with led tail-light, Carbon belly pan, Carbon hugger, Carbon pillion cover, Magni fairing, Cliff Jefferies MyEcu, Innovations fueling interface controller, Remus Revolution GP exhausts, Pazzo levers, Sargent seat and back pad, Olins all overhauled 2,000km ago by Tecknic Racing at Penrith, clutch/flywheel changed from problematic Ram single plate to twin plate, always serviced at Moto Italia at Emu Plains (Dave Ward). All Scura panels/headlight cowling and exhausts supplied so the bike can be easily turned back to standard Scura if you want. Price $12,500 - JUST REDUCED !!!!!! PM me if interested. Gregg Sydney Australia

I have it figured out - those super high tappet covers are really cunning cup holders for all you guys in the Northern hemisphere who really get a "real" Winter. What better way to travel but in comfort with a 60'C mug of hot chocolate each within easy reach (one for the rider and one for the pillion) just pass it back when she nudges you ! The motor also actually vibrates enough to keep a nice little froth on top.

A guy is walking the strip in Las Vegas and a fantastic-looking Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, "How much do you charge?" The Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job." The guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!" The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?" "Yes." "Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?" "Yes." "And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?" "Yes." "Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500." So the guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try." They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he has just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?" The hooker replies, "$1,500." "I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!" The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500." The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so and says, "Sign me up." Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?" The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you something Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us: All those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and shows? "Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?" No," the hooker replies, "but I would... if I had a pussy."

Damn, I just ordered one last week, no cancelations allowed, special order - back to the drawing board ! Anyone want to buy a brand new Triumph extender ?

Just thought you guys may like to see a MGS01 in action down here - the guys name is Mike Coates - really good to see a rare bike being stuck up under Ducatis at every chance ! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-4BdNpwoao%26feature=email

The Irish Wrestler - apolgies if you've heard it before. A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said 'Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished.' The Irishman nodded in acknowledgment. As the match started, the Irishman and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen. Suddenly, there was a Long, High Pitched Scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the Irishman collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded. When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked 'How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!' The wrestler answered 'Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.' The trainer exclaimed 'That's what finished him off?' 'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls.

A mate of mine is trying to find a V11 of any type for sale in the eastern states of Australia. He would be happy with a Ballabio or similar flatter non clip-on bar type, but would consider anything with lowish milage. Please pm me if you have or know of any V11 comng up for sale. Regards Gregg

Hi, I live on the Northern edge of the Sydney basin and would love to catch up with another V11 guy. PM me if you want to arrange anything or if I can be of help while you are here. When is your trip ? Regards Gregg

I have been to XXXXXXX XXXXXXX at Mona Vale for the first 4 or 5 services to my V11 - at first they were OK but after the 3rd visit on the way home I found the oil light coming on around corners and under acceleration - the sump was almost empty. I persisted with them thinking that it was just one mistake but then had 190 rear tyre put on when they had told me they had the correct size available, the last straw was when I had issues with excess oil and grease in the levers which sprayed itself all over me & the bike on the way home - like heaps, and then found later that the drive-shaft had been reassembled with the reference lines not lined up which Peter Roper noticed and rectified on the spot when I was picking up my sloper plate from him. I think that XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXX is not interested in Guzzis it is just a handy way to fill out quiet days in the shop when not preparing race bikes. On a positive note I can definetly recommend Peter Roper - well worth the ride/drive to Bungendore and a great guy to get advice and chin wag Guzzis with. I can also highly recommend John at Motociclo easy to deal with and did the last service and repaired my Quat exhaust on my V11 really well. The other local guy in Sydney I can recommend highly is Dave Ward at Moto Italia at Penrith who was at Sample Group (the Guzzi importers) for many years and knows and loves his Guzzis.

Hi, The Scura I have just purchased has worn out its Ram clutch and I am looking for a twin plate clutch kit to replace it. Either new or 2nd hand but in usable condition would be fine. Shipping would be to Sydney Australia. Any help or even pointiong me in the right direction would be appreciated. Gregg

Thomas, See http://www.v11lemans.com/forums/index.php?...355&hl=seat - for a description of way in to the back end from underneath. Gregg

Congratulations Felix, I am sure you will enjoy the Cal - you are right it is a very different beast to a V11 but I tell you what, it is not that much slower if you don't have your wife on board ! I will be interested to hear your comments once you have settled into ownership.

Felix, I bought an EV-80 Cal with 8,000Km on it last June mainly because my wife found the V11 cramped her legs. The fact that she got a couple of Italian Leather Burgundy "Handbags" (panniers) to go with it sealed the deal. We have found it to be supremely comfortable for up to 700km days in the saddle. I have only had the forks and shocks optimised for our weight - forks were revalved the shocks were replaced. I have found it to be very different to a V11 but still an absolute blast. The gearbox has a gap between 2nd a 3rd you could do without, but other than that and the linked brakes being a mite strange if you trail brake into corners - on occasions. I have succeeded (as I have got used to the bike) in impressing a few Ducati riders who have thought they would shake me off, but looked up to see I was still hanging on to them ! Just a matter of carving corners smoothly and setting entry speeds to suit. I have included a photo of the bike.

I will be able to tell you guys what is inside a Quat-D box soon as mine has developed a loose baffle - sounds like a stone being rattled in a jam tin. We are splitting it open through the top and repairing it this weekend. I reckon the back of the bike looks much cleaner with a Quat box especially when you remove the hugger and use one of Edge's kits to seal up the shock etc. I am not sure that I like the sound of a full nappy (Oz for diaper) although wearing one could come in handy !

I am still waiting to get the relay blocks - patience is necessary with Guzzis in Australia. Glad to hear yours is up and going !

I have just had a similar "no start" issue with my 2000 V11. It would sometimes after a long run refuse to start - this would then cure itself magically after about 5 minutes sometimes with the bike just sitting, sometimes with me quietly swearing at the bike or fiddling with relays and fuses. This got worse about 3 weeks ago and I had to trailer it back home 50 miles to fiddle as nothing seemed to fix it. I thought I had isolated the problem to a bad injector relay which I then changed to a GEI one and the problem was gone for a couple of weeks. The problem returned last week - I spent all day Saturday on it and found that the spade clips under the relay blocks were loose in the block and pushing back out of the block instead of engaging tightly on the male spade of the relay as the relay was pushed in - hard to pick as the blocks are tight up against the side of the tail body work. When I had fitted the new relay I must have just made enough contact to keep it running for a couple of rides till it vibrated away again. I have now ordered a new set of the slide together relay blocks to fit up and see if I can fix the problem for good along with crimping the spring sides of the female connectors down well as I refit them - I just thought it was worth mentioning in case this is another culprit in your problem ? Good Luck !!

I have a good friend who bought a 1200 Sport after riding with a mate & me on a Griso 850 and my own V11. He previously rode a GS1150 BMW and envied our Guzzis for the indefinable character they had when he codged us to swap rides. After buying his 1200 Sport and still doing bike swaps with us he still thought it was missing something, so has changed the exhaust to an aftermarket Italian twin can set up and had the suspension rebuilt with far more rear pre-load adjustment & revalved forks. Now when we swap, it definitely has more performance up high than my V11 and is far more stable through the corners than it used to be - firmer than my V11 without being jarring. I think with these changes it is a rival for a V11 with mods. I find the bars still too upright for my liking on the 1200 Sport, but have not noticed a problem with the peg position. I will still be sticking with my V11.

Hi, I was following the thread on the MotoBits lowered peg set (which I have just ordered for my Greenie V11 2000 model) and saw that you had them on a like model - were they hard to fit ? Did you take out all the old gearchange spindle etc. betwen the frame, or just unbolt the lever off ? I was also hoping that you had a response I could not find on the red frame paint code, as I want to paint my black swing arm red - cannot believe Guzzi don't do it - it would look so much better !! Regards Gregg Sydney, Australia

I have just purchased a EV80 California 1100 2002 model (number 14 of the run) with 8,400km on the clock. My wife insisted after she spotted the saddle bags, seat, backrest all in Burgundy leather - just like buying a handbag. It does ride rather well compared to other cruisers if not quite as wieldy as my V11. It is a world of difference for her compared to the V11 as a pillion passenger though, I have just got to sort that suspension out a little !

Just after the "1/4 moon" pillion pod "back of bum" pad in red to match a red seat.

Hi John, Sorry to hear about your bike, would you have a LH bar switch cluster to part out or was it damaged ? I am after one with the light switch as mine has busted and I have had to just put a cover over the switch slot ? I am more than happy to pay postage to OZ !

I have the smoke/grey outer lens part number it is Y0039.K You will also need an inner orange lens which does fit into the standard Guzzi shell, but I am afraid I do not have that part number as I threw that box away. I will go back through my file of receipts and see if I can find the number for the inner tonight. Hope this at least gets you started at the Hoggly dealer.