Turpin Crock

Here are the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest: 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The Stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion Allowed per passenger." 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other And says... "Dam!" 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in The craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't Have your kayak and heat it too. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The Other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a Root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were Standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After About an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to Disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I Can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them Goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family In Spain. They name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of Himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells Her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband Responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they Opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked To buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought The competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, But they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They Ignored him. So, The rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious Thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and Trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist Friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, Which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also Ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he Suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to Friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them Laugh. No pun in ten did.

I second that

Couldn't find the camel toe thread

http://www.v11lemans.com/forums/index.php?...ost&id=7261 Ebay produces some good comedy. I posted this before but i think it is funny enough to get another run

Excellent!

I kind of almost bought his OK Bloke act too then I realised that of course he would act that way on a Blokish show. There is something extreemly irritating going on there and I can't quite put my finger on it. Like that bit about him going to gigs on a V11 with a guitar on his back. It simply does not ring true. A guitar will stay on someones back if they are sitting up riding a Harley or the like, not in the V11 riding position. The first corner you went into the guitar would be inside in the front wheel. Maybe he is OK and comes across badly because of shyness. But he comes across as False to me. Maybe I'm just jelous that he's a war hero international skier million record selling babe magnet .

Oh thats why Jeremy Clarkson interupted James Blunt when he said he had a Moto Guzzi. He said "Oh you must be a homo sexual" He was having a dig at James may and not motorbike owners in general.

I was weatching Top Gear last night and James Blunt was on. He said he had a Moto Guzzi and was quickly interupted by Jermy Clarkson. But it turns out it's a V11. He might even be a member here. What is the world coming to? Shouldn't he be riding a Goldwing or something? Sh*t he migh even be on this forum

A man comes home to find his wife in bed with his mate. So he stabs his mate to death. His wife shouts "That was pretty silly, carry on like that and you'll have no fuckin mates left"

This the kind of magician Tommy Cooper was trying to be. http://users.skynet.be/pdauwe/ursula_martinez.wmv

That is one good example of how the structure of the american system of government is well thought out with democracy the prime objective. Another one I like is their voting set up where a proposition can be voted on by the public at election time. I don't know any other country with that, maybe there is but I haven't heard of it. I know that this like most democratic tools can bee hijacked by special interests but then it is the duty of a free press to give the public clear information to make the correct decisions. The public in the states get the best opportunity to participate in deciding where their country is going than any other country in the world.

I saw a picture somewhere of a weird hippy with big tits sitting on a V11 in Iraq. If I can find it should I post it ? The site might implode.

Yep, On my way to Thomond Park on Sunday. Can't wait :!:

The Heineken Cup Starts this weekend. Is anyone interested? Now that the RWC is over does this count as hijacking the thread??

It's good to have a "frank excange of views" without the flamethrowers coming out Blackwater is a perfect example of western democracy holding itself to account. The free press in the west (sometimes) makes sure that the government does it's job legally ( That is the members of the press not engaged in following Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie around the place ) If an abuse is being perpetrated by a mid east theocracy or other form of totalitarian regime. It will go on for years or decades without any internal censure. Put it this way. If you had to be occupied by someone who would you rather it be The US and UK or China

This is really going to sound like flag waving but what the hell. The guiding principles in American society are freedom and justice. It isn't perfect, there are many instances both internally and globally where these principles are ignored or missapplied. But it is the best system that the human race has come up with yet. I agree 100% with everything Steve G. said . We are lucky to live on a planet where the dominant forces are so benign. That is not to say that they shouldn't be held to account for abuse of power. They should and they are a lot quicker to address these issues themselves than anyone else would be.

Having lived a good portion of my adult life in the U.S. I find it irritating when Europeans dismiss all americans in one block as war mongering stupid assholes. There are jackasses everywhere. We all know it. Where ever you live you meet them. One thing I did notice over there is that generally they are more friendly and courteous. That (suprisingly enough) even includes New York. One question no one has asked though. Why are the Poles the least popular. I haven't noticed anything obnoxious about them.

q

Thanks Guzzirider!

I need a head oil feed pipe and head gaskets for my 02 V11. Who are the best and fastest suppliers in the UK ?

Sorry DeBenGuzzi.. and I know by this post I am repeating the offense but I keep trying to upload stuff and can't. Maybe my computer needs viagra

I'm with you nogbad on the plastic boobs issue. They are just too.......................................................plastic!

It will take a big shock for any of your predictions to be wrong. Two all Southern Semi Finals We have some catching up to do.