At least you've got your 5 posts in and the overt sarcasm can begin in earnest!
Somehow, I can't get your photos to render (if that's the correct cyber-term) so can't see the crack. If it's not structural, and it's accessible, I would be tempted to clean it up and try the JBWeld. It's certainly not an elegant solution, while removing the chest cover and having a TIG magician button it might b the best world.
My first thought would be to get it to Bjorn's little brother across the channel . . .