BadMotoGoozer needs a starter wife

[dlaing]

I just realized something... I'm about to miss the chance to have a 'Starter Marriage' with my 'Starter Wife'

 

A starter marriage is one that lasts for 5 years or less, and ends before children begin (I'm thing one year to three years will be enough).

 

Being that I would like to eventually get married (for real) and have children I really need to get the ball rolling on this.

 

So maybe we haven't exactly met yet but that's no reason we shouldn't get married.

 

You see, a 'Starter Marriage' is like a starter home, we go into marriage expecting to divorce and trade up to something better. Also like a starter home, once we leave our first marriage, we'll learn what to look for, and what to avoid, the next time around.

 

 

We should marry for a few other reaons too...

 

 

1- You want to move out

 

If you're just finishing school and are still living with your parents, a starter marriage is a safe and efficient way to get out of your parents' house.

 

If your parents are driving you crazy and nagging you about when you're going to find yourself a nice man or move out? This'll shut 'em up.

 

You may even fall into the trap of thinking your "flavor of the month" is the love of your life and you should just move in with them just so you can split the rent.

 

Split it with me instead! We could save a ton.

So you, yes you! C'mon, let's get hitched.

 

 

2- Playing house.

 

Is there anyone out there who thinks that people shouldn't play at being married for experiment's sake? We should, and for the same reason people move in with a boyfriend or girlfriend - to get to know what it's going to be like beforehand.

 

Will you snap and kill someone who constantly leaves the toilet seat up?

Only one way to find out...

 

 

3- No drama.

 

You don't have to worry about prenups, lawyers' bills, settlements, alimony payments, and similar headache-inducing elements of a "traditional marriage."

 

Nuff said.

 

 

4- Unlike a "traditional marriage..."

 

Did you ever want to get married by an Elvis impersonator in Vegas? Completely shitfaced?

Not a problem.

 

Exchange vows jumping naked out of an airplane.

Sure.

 

Want to get married and divorced the same day? Just to have a cool story to tell your friends?

Whatever! Who cares?

 

 

5- Piss off your parents.

 

So Mommy and Daddy has been opressive and overbearing your entire life?

 

I'll show up to meet them drunk riding a motorcycle to take my wife away from their wretched tyranny. Then you can tell them it's all their fault. We'll see who needs the therapy now.

 

Are your parents dead set against you marrying whitey? Ha! This'll show'em. Blankito en la casa!

 

Your parents want you to get married in temple to a nice Jewish boy? Mazel tov mother fuckers!

 

 

6- Make an ex want you back or just plain piss them off.

 

So your ex-boyfriend is jealous and manipulative and won't leave you alone since you've dumped his sorry ass? Not a problem. Show him how serious you are that it's over. If this doesn't clear it up I have big friends who do big things. And nobody, and I mean NOBODY fucks with my wife. Even if you are just my 'Starter Wife'.

 

Or maybe you want your boyfriend back but can't seem to pull it off?

Won't he wonder why you're not chasing him around anymore?

 

The whole time you can brag about how wonderful I treat you.

When he comes crawling back wondering what it is he lost he'll have a whole bunch of trumped up expectations to live up to. That'll show him.

 

(Be sure to remind him everyday how lucky he is that you left me for him.

Oh, and be sure to make a ton of unnecessry comparisons, ya know, just to keep him in check and unsure of himself)

 

How about that asshole ex-boyfriend who only told you he loved you and wanted to marry you because he wanted was anal, threesomes, and to make homemade porn? You really thought he was the one huh? Maybe you even did some of those things for him and he still didn't put the ring on your finger.

 

Well I'm sure when you tell that creep about how now that you're married you do all of those things and more... it'll @#!#$# his head up real good.

 

 

7- For my Grandmothers

 

Ok, so this one is for me. I'm fairly certian they're still around because there waiting for one of there grandchildren to get married. And to be honest, I'm tired of them asking about the girl I was dating last year or three years ago. Seriously, that shit gets old real quick. I love them but enough is enough.

 

8- Speaking of family...

 

So your sister got married... when are YOU getting married.

 

Everyone is showing up with their boyfriend/fiance/husband, where's YOURS?

 

Your parents don't want you dating a black guy? Just wait until this white guy here turns you into an emotional basketcase (or so we'll pretend). Tell they I'm a verbally abusive drunk and a womanizer. I bet they'd rather you have a black boyfriend instead of a black eye.

 

Could you ever imagine your once-racist-dad saying:

"Hmmm... You should give that nice colored fella i didn't let you used to date a call, you know I always did like him..."

 

Now's your chance.

 

Do you have one of those over achieving sister who has to do everything better than you and before you do? HA BITCH! Who's laughing now?

 

9- Well, I really don't have a number 9, or a number 10 for that matter.

I think I've probably said enough already.

 

So future 'Starter Wife' I hope you're out there reading this.

I need to get cracking on my 'Starter Marriage'

From the wanted ad:

http://www.v11lemans.com/forums/index.php?...c=11969&hl=

I figure he needs feedback and more exposure if he is gonna get any luck.

[antonio carroccio]

Dave, do you know some few???

[Guest ratchethack]

If y'er gonna troll the Web for a TEMPORARY or "pre-broken" marriage, let's face it -- you're scraping the bottom of the barrel... Not that there's anything wrong with that, o' course. Depending upon one's perspective, we all have different pre-conditioned expectations of marriage in the Grand Scheme of Things. After all... one man's adored and respected queen of his heart is another man's unpaid domestic wench and sex slave...and it seems that some, as noted in a previous post by the author of the ad himself, find that temporary mates with low self-esteem, who accept bus fare as payment for services rendered (the lower the self esteem the better, apparently) are preferable. . .

 

Wot kind of expectations may be shared betwixt partners in a temporary "marriage", where the vows, honestly exchanged, as a substitute for "until death do us part" would (presumably) read something like, "-- until someone more interesting/more desperate/better looking/with more money do us part." ??

 

Keep in mind that when one's perspective as a Web Troller looking for a "temporary marriage" is always looking up (since there's no other view from rock bottom), whereupon one is obliged to cast their matrimonial aspirations (er, such as they are) in the same sewer alongside millions of belly-crawling, sticky kiddie porn pond scum, degenerate child molester parasites, gay chat-room denizens and the like (who're all likewise looking for a TEMPORARY "relationship"), nearly anything looks good in comparison -- But unless your "relationship" is going to be based on something as temporary and anonymous as the ever-popular Web favorite "glory hole" (ref. your favorite urban dictionary), you've gotta have something to look at in the ad! As always in nature, there's lots more competition amongst the scavengers and carrion-feeders than there is among the apex species at the top o' the food chain. So at the bottom, in order to stand out, the ad absolutely has to include a good portrait of the er, prize of matrimony, or it'll be apt to get overlooked in the vastness of reeking ooze and stinking slime of the offal heap.

 

You know, something that reflects the true character of the goods being advertized that also fits in comfortably with the self-image of the desperate, er, I mean hopeful bridegroom.

 

Here's a portrait that I b'lieve captures the true spirit of the ad as written, but not only that -- I ALSO b'lieve it matches the aforementioned's self-appointed role here as Forum Hyena so well, that I'd be surprised if it didn't get snapped up and used right away.

 

 

An accurate likeness -- at least on visual projection of inner character alone, n'est-ce pas?

 

Why, it's every bit as charming as the Forum personality that we've all come to know so well, don't you think?

 

Hmm. Now this begs the next question: Wot kind of a likeness would one expect to represent the someone, er, something who'd be attracted to the character of an individual represented by the likeness above? A female of the same persuasion, equally desperate, er, I mean hopeful??

 

Now any truly effective mockery of marriage as proposed in the ad must somehow prop up at least some false front of sincerity whilst hiding the true sham and pretense behind the scenes -- at least to keep up appearances! For starters, the relatives will demand copies of wedding photo's. So wot kind of a face would "fit in" best in this temporary wedding-of-convenience next to the would-be bridegroom, so the pair looks like a set of perfectly matched bookends on their most memorable day of connubial bliss. . . ??

 

Enquiring minds (well, you know). . .

 

AHA! Here's a fetching, yet lonely young flower of femininity enjoying her favorite sumptuous alfresco cuisine (sun-ripened, mascerated scrub-grass-porridge-stuffed, raw zebra intestines with squirming maggot cream sauce) alongside her usual companion roadside bistro patrons. I reckon she'd go f'er it in a heartbeat:

[dlaing]

Are you sure you not describing your own marriage, Ratchet?

[Guest ratchethack]

Are you sure you not describing your own marriage, Ratchet?

Er, yeah I reckon I'm pretty sure, since I'm not married.

 

Um, mayhaps you met your wife on the Web, Dave? If so, my apologies. I had no idea. . .

[antonio carroccio]

Easy........

[dlaing]

Er, yeah I reckon I'm pretty sure, since I'm not married.

 

Um, mayhaps you met your wife on the Web, Dave? If so, my apologies. I had no idea. . .

Ah, you do have sensabilities!

Sorry, I thought I smelled the stench of a divorcee picked apart by (a) vulture(s).

Maybe I am the one that needs a deodorant strong enough for a man, but made for corpse rotting by the side of the road

But really my first marriage wasn't that bad, so Ryan don't let me scare you off.

Stay away from the Gingers and Mariannes, because life is too short, go get yourself a rebellious nymphomaniac with tons of issues, like Wynona Rider.

Ratchet, stop chasing the Gingers and get yourself a Marianne. You won't regret it. (except on weekends)

[Guest Nogbad]

Ratchet, you are an offensive dumbass sometimes.

 

In fact I met my wife via the web, she is lovely and we are very happy. Unlike my first marriage where I met my ex conventionally, and it turned out bad.

 

So, I would say it doesn't really matter how you happen to meet, it's the who that is important.

 

Get back to Remulac ya snobbish bigot!

[Guzzirider]

I've found Ryan's advert on t'internet!

 

[Guest ratchethack]

Ratchet, you are an offensive dumbass sometimes.

An astute observation, Noggy.

 

My apologies to you and the wife, per my reply to Dave above.

 

O' course, no offense was intended.

[Guest Nogbad]

An astute observation, Noggy.

 

My apologies to you and the wife, per my reply to Dave above.

 

O' course, no offense was intended.

 

Harrumph! Apology accepted.....

[Alex-Corsa]

I think you're getting out of the subject here/.

 

The subject is the "starter wife"

 

Now the key with all that is attraction and if that is kept or not through time.

And well attraction isn't a choice at the end.

[jrt]

Sorry boys, I'm taken.

 

Apology accepted.....

 

Holy moly! An internet first!!!!

[badmotogoozer]

 

AHA! Here's a fetching, yet lonely young flower of femininity enjoying her favorite sumptuous alfresco cuisine (sun-ripened, mascerated scrub-grass-porridge-stuffed, raw zebra intestines with squirming maggot cream sauce) alongside her usual companion roadside bistro patrons. I reckon she'd go f'er it in a heartbeat:

 

For the last time, Ratshit, I am NOT interested in ANY of your relatives!!

 

Rj

[dlaing]

From another thread

Hey Quaz: Bitchin' av...Poison I's a REAL hot pistol if ya aks me...

I think this could be the perfect starter wife for BMG

Here are some photos of her, aging pretty well.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kittykowalski...in/photostream/