Helicopter Jim humor

[DeBenGuzzi]

I got this off another forum but its still very funny to me.

 

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

 

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

 

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

[savagehenry]

Great stuff!! We were "officially" warned on my job, that all log books were to be devoid of such enteries, as customers tend to frown on humor in one's work day, go figure!?!?! Keep up the good "other forum" pilfering! S.H.

[Pierre]

Great stuff!! We were "officially" warned on my job, that all log books were to be devoid of such enteries, as customers tend to frown on humor in one's work day, go figure!?!?! Keep up the good "other forum" pilfering! S.H.

Whatever happened to Jim? Does he still have his MGS-01?

[DeBenGuzzi]

Whatever happened to Jim? Does he still have his MGS-01?

GOD I hope so, he's my hero. Also said I could sit on it let alone touch it if only I drive my butt up to BC or where ever in canadia he is. I forget.

[BrianG]

I think he died. Haven't heard a word from him since I sent him a hand full of paid-for Roper plates.......

[Steve G.]

Next time I'm at Chilliwack Moto Guzzi, I'll check with the guys.

Steve