Courtesy

[big J]

My son was reading the forum over my shoulder and commented how courteous everyone is compared to some of the chatrooms/forums he reads. So come on ya bunch of spamheads, whats the best insult you can come up with? No slanging matches, but it would be interesting to compare notes from around the world. Might even learn some new ones! Doubt if you lot could teach me anything tho, if brains was dynamite, you couldn't ruffle your own hair.

[TX REDNECK (R.I.P.)]

Howz this ?

 

 

 

 

Notice : one more post 'til immortality

[helicopterjim R.I.P.]

You win! Anything the Prime Minister of Canada could hold up wouldn't compare to that (nor would the Prime Minister himself).

[Martin Barrett]

I like the way business is conducted here in Jaap's house.

 

I see you all as my friends. I wouldn't want to upset you. What you say matters to me. It's easy to jest robustly when face to face with people you know. not so easy with typed bullet points with or without smilies, with people you have never met face to face, but only have an insight from a few posted items. You make generalisations and possibly compare them/hold them against your own standards and you wouldn't insult yourself.

 

We're here through a common interest in the V11, it appeals to us for various reasons.

 

We can hold differences of opinion, but you won't bring anyone to the light of your truth by shouting and being rude. So until you can meet face to face and punch them on the nose you are faced with two options, polite reasoned argument, or a PM containing a virus

 

Thats how I see it and if you don't like it you can just go and 5$&*^@£^ (seems to be an inbuilt politeness filter)

[belfastguzzi]

TX REDNECK

Today, 01:39 AM

 

Posts: 999

 

Notice : one more post 'til immortality

47647[/snapback]

 

Your number seems to be upside down.

[TX REDNECK (R.I.P.)]

You have really offended me now !

 

[big J]

I didn't mean to imply that we should all start insulting each other,sorry if it came across as that. I too enjoy being a guest on Jaap's forum and the last thing I would want is to cause offence to anyone. Perhaps I should re-phrase my initial comment; what's the best put-down you've heard or been on the receiving end of? Many of your colleagues Martin are masters of the one liner; "Having trouble taking off, wing commander?" "Looking for the gentleman with the chequered flag, were we, sir?" As I said, nothing personal, no slagging matches or attacks but we've all heard or copped one. A favourite of mine I heard or read somewhere - "The barriers are down, the lights are flashing, but the train ain't coming"

[richard100t]

How about this one? If bullshit were music you'd be a brass band all by yourself!

[Martin Barrett]

Sorry was agreeing with your son.

 

I think I generaly lack the wit and repartee to come up with original one liners on demand, most are very contex orientated and I'm useless at remembering jokes.

 

But normally some one can have a light hearted jest at something I post. Anyway I hope they're ment in good spirit.

 

The proffesional jest can backfire. I had one last month wherea woman who identified her self as the wife of one of our detective sergents. Rang up to conplain about the nuisance youths, though she hadn't been directly affected by the recent bout of criminality and she knew that two others of her neighbours had allready rung that evening. She sugested that the local officer would like to contact her husband who had some ideas on how to deal with them. I replied that these ideas were probably went out with PACE.

 

PACE - Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984 - introduced in Sept 85 changed the whole way The police gathered evidence and brought in various safeguards. I forget that i'm getting old and being a DS is nolonger a guarantee of having a least a comparable level of service, and that any one conected with that person would have at least heard of PACE.

 

Well she complained to her husband that I was laughing at her and not taking her call seriously, who rang in to complain. The tape got pulled, but I was vindicated as a missunderstanding on her part.

 

The best I've been on the recieving end of is when the Police Norton caught up with me in the garage block to the police hostel. After he told me I might out run one of a BMW but you won't out run one of these.

PC- "lets see your insurance"

Me- "here it is, do you want my licence as well"

Pc- "No just your insurance , because if you continue to drive like that you'll kill someone"

 

WOW - put me in my place. Looking contrite, eating humble pie and being job saved my "bacon" again. 1 of 3 times. I should have spent the latter 80's walking

[jrt]

Here's a few that are peripherally relevant- enjoy:

 

A few clowns short of a circus.

A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

A few beers short of a six-pack.

Dumber than a box of hair.

A few peas short of a casserole.

Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box.

The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.

One taco short of a combination plate.

A few feathers short of a whole duck.

All foam, no beer.

The cheese slid off her cracker.

Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.

Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

As smart as bait.

Chimney's clogged.

Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.

Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

Forgot to pay her brain bill.

Her sewing machine's out of thread.

His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

If she had another brain, it would be lonely.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

No grain in the silo.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Receiver is off the hook.

Several nuts short of a full pouch.

Skylight leaks a little.

Slinky's kinked.

Surfing in Nebraska.

Too much yardage between the goal posts.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

The lights are on, but nobody's home.

24 cents short of a quarter.

[RichMaund]

Or how about....

You couldn't carry a tune with a forklift!

 

[big J]

Thanks guys,my son and his pals are delighted with their new "ammunition"! Teenagers,eh?

[jrt]

Ahhh, the truth comes out.

[Ralph Werner]

OK here's my favorite put-down (and if the shoe fits wear it).

 

"If you don't know what you're talking about then you won't know when you're finished" (Tommy Smothers).

[Guest bshpilot]

how 'bout...

 

if assholes could fly this place would be an airport !