Tucker's advice

[belfastguzzi]

"... helping me keep my sanity while dealing with V.11 behavior..."

Tucker's new MG book played a key part in helping me keep my sanity while dealing with V.11 behavior! If you're like me and have a new V.11 for the first time in your life, or if you've owned a V.11 for years, I highly recommend 'Secrets of a Professional V.11 Mechanic!' -- Dan Gallapoo, Dayton, Ohio

 

Pictured above: "Tucker" owned by Gene & Rose Pedenko, watching Baseball World Series. He's waiting for WSB, but the dumb mut doesn't realise it's on the other channel.

 

Tucker says:

Here's How To Get Your V.11 To Listen

To You, Anywhere You Go.

 

... Even If He's Distracted By A Tennis Ball, A Piece Of Food, Another Bike Or The Baseball World Series On Television!

 

Warning! Do Not Attempt To Train Your V.11,

Or Even Think About Hiring A Mechanic

Until You Read This Page!

 

Dear Friend,

 

If you own a V.11 you need this information. The information basically covers all three categories of training your V.11: fixing V.11 problems, tips and secrets to use in your everyday training, and buying and raising a new V.11 or older V.11. It applies to all models and ages of V.11. It doesn't matter if you own an old V.11 or a young one, the information is, in some cases, shocking! You'll be saving time and money, avoiding mistakes and disastrous situations, and learning secrets other people only wish they knew. Here are a few things I discuss that will start getting your V.11 to listen to you, immediately.

 

SECRETS TO FIXING ANY V.11 PROBLEM

 

It is estimated that 93% of all professional mechanics don't really know what they're doing. And the other 7% charge hundreds, if not thousands of dollars. You can save yourself time and money, not to mention sparing your V.11 lots of stress. Here's a small sample of the secrets you'll learn for fixing any V.11 problem:

 

One thing you must do so that your V.11 will understand why you're correcting him.

 

Learn how every top rider in the country actually relates to their V.11... their most guarded secrets are revealed!

 

5 secrets you must know to housebreak your V.11 in a hurry!

 

How to praise your V.11 so that your praise has meaning!

 

Aggression and how to diffuse a potentially dangerous situation.

 

How to teach your V.11 to never bolt out the front door again...

without permission of course.

 

Handling tips for dealing with the dominant V.11.

 

Seven key insider points you must know before you hire a mechanic.

 

Discover hidden bogus marketing gimmicks and false "guarantee" tricks that can cost you thousands if you hire a less-than-professional mechanic... and you'd never know it!

 

3 things you must add to your V.11 'bag of tricks'... unless you want to take twelve times longer to fix your V.11's problems.

 

Stop your V.11 from jumping up on you... forever!

 

The terrible truth about training the V.11 (it's not what you think!)

 

"Used to snarl and bite..."

 

"My V.11 would steal food from the dinner table, and then viciously snarl and bite if I tried to take it away. But after using the techniques in your downloadable book, "Secrets of a Professional V.11 Mechanic guy", my V.11 will now let me roll him on his side and take ANYTHING out of his crankcase! Your tricks really work wonders. I'm convinced that you are one of the best V.11 mechanics around!

-- Barbara Allen, Santa Ynez, CA

[Guest ratchethack]

Belfast, I always thought there were undercurrents of a deeply repressed, somewhat malignant humorous streak in your posts. Now we seem to have solid evidence...

 

The book, 'Secrets of a Professional V.11 Mechanic!' may merit serious attention. However, If you've actually read it youself, how is it that you still seem to have a screw loose?

[DeBenGuzzi]

what do you call a V11 with no tires? it doesn't matter it wont come anyway loses something in the transition but I think they have the same lists for fords chevys volkswagons bmw's and so on.

[Guest aironepony]

Training, in the old sense of the useage of this word, is not really the answer. Conditioned responses are all well and good, but what is really needed is a reasoned response from V11.

 

Enter the mind of the V11.

 

Awaken the sentient being within it and engender a fellowship that motivates V11 to want and need to please. Remember that all things have interactions with neighbouring objects and entities. The more that these interactions can be encouraged, the more opportinity there will be for conscious connections to be made, with the consequent exchange of perceptional experiences.

 

I have used this approach with the Rosso, or "Red" as he now prefers to be called, he, ( this is the gender chosen by Red ), is expanding his philosophical view considerably now that he can read. We started with the usual primary reader series, and he is now progressing well with his workshop manual. The only modification that I have introduced to this volume is a preface that starts with..."In the begining".

 

V11, sorry Red, is currently reading this every evening before retiring and treats the book with great reverence. I am slightly concerned that he may become a fundamentalist and believe uncritically in every word within the V11 manual.

 

For his sake I must now try to develop his internet skills so that he can be exposed to other realities and challenges to his formative views.

 

 

..............

[jrt]

I must now try to develop his internet skills so that he can be exposed to other realities and challenges to his formative views.

..............

51670[/snapback]

 

Don't do that or

he'll just go surfin for porn and run up bills on your Visa card for mail order synthetic oil and dielectric grease.

[belfastguzzi]

run up bills on your Visa card for mail order synthetic oil and dielectric grease.

51677[/snapback]

Ah, so your secret's out! That's what you make yer ointment from.

Does wonders for the 'tache, I'm sure.

[antonio carroccio]

Belfast,

 

I have told you once........................................

d-o n-o-t m-a-k-e s-u-c-h l-o-n-g t-o-p-i-c

 

If I am riding this, I forget what the substance in the beginning is.

Maybe becomes coz the thread is not so involving.

[Guest Nogbad]

Don't be fooled by politically correct reasoned psychobabble when it comes to V11 training.

 

As the old adage has it: "The woman, the V11 and the walnut tree, the more you beat them the better they be!"

 

Don't be afraid to use corporal punishment on your V11. heavy copper hammers and large pipe wrenches are the way to subdue insubordinate behaviour. If you don't tolerate any cheek in the first 3 years, it will behave well for the rest of it's life.

[jrt]

Ah, yes. And the old adage about a 'rule of thumb' being that the switch you use on your dear wife be not greater in diameter than the husband's thumb. Ouch.

 

belfast- don't tell anyone- I need to finance my retirement somehow.

[belfastguzzi]

Belfast,

 

I have told you once........................................

d-o  n-o-t  m-a-k-e  s-u-c-h  l-o-n-g  t-o-p-i-c

 

If I am riding this, I forget what the substance in the beginning is.

Maybe becomes coz the thread is not so involving.

51708[/snapback]

 

Antonio

 

just look at the pictures instead.

 

BTW, I have told you once......................... you don't forget what the substance is, you forget because of the substance. Put it out!

 

PS I promise not to make any long topic again

[badmotogoozer]

Helping you keep your sanity??? Better fire him, he isn't doing his job...

 

That's assuming that you once were sane... You know... sometime before your string fixation.

 

Rj

 

Only users lose drugs.

[belfastguzzi]

Helping you keep your sanity???  Better fire him, he isn't doing his job...

 

51854[/snapback]

 

Are you talking to Dan Gallapoo, Dayton, Ohio?

 

I don't think that he actually visits this place. Tucker probably told him not to chance it.

[DeBenGuzzi]

THATS IT, this thread is officaly more worthless than the "what time is it" thread.

I think belfast gets most of the credit

[big J]

If this is what owning a V11 does to you,I'm off to buy a Solex What time IS it, by the way?

[belfastguzzi]

If this is what owning a V11 does to you,I'm off to buy a Solex   What time IS it, by the way?

51880[/snapback]

 

11.05 – time for a programme on the Tandragee 100 and then one on doing the NW 200

so go tweak your BBC NI arial, BJ