slug Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Yes, I'm a geek, but this sorta fits... [thud] [clang] CART MASTER: Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [cough cough...] [clang] [...cough cough] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! Ninepence. [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out... [rewr!] ...your dead! [rewr!] [clang] Bring out your dead! CUSTOMER: Here's one. CART MASTER: Ninepence. DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead! CART MASTER: What? CUSTOMER: Nothing. Here's your ninepence. DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead! CART MASTER: 'Ere. He says he's not dead! CUSTOMER: Yes, he is. DEAD PERSON: I'm not! CART MASTER: He isn't? CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon. He's very ill. DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better! CUSTOMER: No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment. CART MASTER: Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations. DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go on the cart! CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby. CART MASTER: I can't take him. DEAD PERSON: I feel fine! CUSTOMER: Well, do us a favour. CART MASTER: I can't. CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long. CART MASTER: No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today. CUSTOMER: Well, when's your next round? CART MASTER: Thursday. DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk. CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do? DEAD PERSON: [singing] I feel happy. I feel happy. [whop] CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much. CART MASTER: Not at all. See you on Thursday. CUSTOMER: Right. All right. [howl] [clop clop clop] Who's that, then? CART MASTER: I dunno. Must be a king. CUSTOMER: Why? CART MASTER: He hasn't got shit all over him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
callison Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 It's only a flesh wound... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guzzirider Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 I'm not dead yet- I intend to reach the age of 75 at least and die like Adam Faith did! Guy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
big J Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Camelot! Camelot! s'only a model Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MotoMessiah Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Why do I hear coconuts clapping together? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ratchethack Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Oh, not *another* SHRUBBERY! Voice over: Meanwhile, King Arthur and Bedevere, not more than a swallow's flight away, had discovered something. Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Arthur: Who are you? Knight of Ni: We are the Knights who say..... "Ni"! Arthur: (horrified) No! Not the Knights who say "Ni"! Knight of Ni: The same. Other Knight of Ni: Who are we? Knight of Ni: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Ping, and Nee-womm! Other Knight of Ni: Nee-womm! Arthur: (to Bedevere) Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale! Knight of Ni: The knights who say "Ni" demand..... a sacrifice! Arthur: Knights of Ni, we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods. Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Bedevere: No! Noooo! Aaaugh! No! Knight of Ni: We shall say "Ni" to you... if you do not appease us. Arthur: Well what is it you want? Knight of Ni: We want..... (pregnant pause) A SHRUBBERY!!!! (dramatic minor chord) Arthur: A *WHAT*? Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni!! Ni! Ni! Arthur; No! No! Please, please, no more! We will find you a shrubbery. Knight of Ni: You must return here with a shrubbery... or else you will never pass through this wood... alive. Arthur: O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery. Knight of Ni: One that looks nice. Arthur: Of course! Knight of Ni: And not *too* expensive. Arthur; Yes! Knight of Ni: Noowwwww.... GO! (music) Arthur: O Knights of Ni. We have brought you your shrubbery. May we go now? Knight of Ni: Yes, it is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly. But there is one small problem.... Arthur: What is that? Knight of Ni: We are now *no longer* the Knights Who Say "Ni"! Other Knights of Ni: Ni! Shh! Shh! Knight of Ni: We are now the Knights who say "Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z'Bang, zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringmm". Other Knight of Ni: Ni! Knight of Ni: Therefore, we must give you a test. Arthur: What is this test, o Knights of..... Knights who 'til recently said "Ni"? Knight of Ni: Firstly, you must find.... ANOTHER SHRUBBERY!!! (another minor chord) Arthur: Oh not *another* shrubbery!! Knight of Ni: (excitedly) THEN... Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher, so we get the two-level effect with a little path running down the middle. Other Knights of Ni: A path! A path! A path! Shh, shhh. Ni! Ni! Knight of Ni: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... Wiiiiiithh.... A HERRING! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stormsedge Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 "it's a rabbit" "it's got teeeeth" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AdamofKC Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 (King Arthur approaches the Black Knight after the Knight defeats an opponent) King Arthur: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight. (silence) King Arthur: I am Arthur, King of the Britons. (silence) King Arthur: I am seeking the bravest knights in the land to join me at my court at Camelot. (silence) King Arthur: You proved yourself worthy. Will you join me? (silence) King Arthur: You make me sad. Come Patsy! Black Knight: NONE shall pass. King Arthur: What?! Black Knight: None shall pass. King Arthur: I have no quarrel with you good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge! Black Knight: Then you shall die. King Arthur: As King of the Britons, I command you to stand aside! Black Knight: I Move.... for no man. King Arthur: SO BE IT! (Fighting Ensues until Arthur cuts the Black Knights right arm off) King Arthur: Stand aside worthy adversary. Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch. King Arthur: A scratch? You're arms' off! Black Knight: No it isn't. King Arthur: Then whats that then? Black Knight: ..... I've had worse. King Arthur: You LIAR! Black Knight: C'mon you pansy! (Fighting continues until King Arthur cuts the Black Knights other arm off) King Arthur: Victory is mine! (kneels) We thank thee Lord that in thy Mercy... (Black Knights kicks Arthur in the head) King Arthur: What!? Black Knight: Chicken! Chicken! King Arthur: You are indeed brave Sir Knight but the fight is mine! Black Knight: Oohh? Had enough eh? (Kicks Arthur's butt a few times) King Aurthur: Look you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left! Black Knight: Yes I have! King Arthur: LOOK!! Black Knight: (looks at both arms quickly) It's just a flesh wound. (continues to kick Arthur's butt) King Arthur: Look I'll have your leg! Black Knight: Chicken! Chicken! (kicks Arthur again) King Arthur: RIGHT!!!! (King Arthur cuts the Black Knights left leg off) Black Knight: RIGHT! I'll do you for that! King Arthur: YOU'LL WHAT?! Black Knight: Com'ere! King Arthur: What're you going to do? Bleed on me? Black Knight: I am invincible! King Arthur: You're a looney! Black Knight: The Black Knights always Triumph! Have at you!!! (Black Knight, hobbling on one foot, tries to head-butt Arthur) Black Knight: Have at you!!! Come on then! (Arthur swipes at the Black Knight at waist hight) (Arthur sheathes his sword and approaches the Black Knights torso) King Arthur: All Right, we'll call it a draw. Come Patsy! Black Knight: Ohh I see.... Runnin' away, eh?! Come back you yellow bastard and take whats coming to ya! I'll bite you're legs off!!! (End Scene) Ahhhhh classic Monty Python. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AdamofKC Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 "it's a rabbit" "it's got teeeeth" 62985[/snapback] It's got a viscious streak a mile wide! Look at the bones!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest redguzziv10 Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 "it's a rabbit" "it's got teeeeth" 62985[/snapback] a rabbit? a F***ing rabbit? You made me shit my armour! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wambiker Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Beware of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, the number of the counting shall be three, not one or two except in passing to reach three, and four is right out! I also am not dead yet, but growing old disgracefully Cheers Gary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
todd haven Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!! (pause) Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots. Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture. Owner: I got a slug. (pause) Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk? Owner: Nnnnot really. Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!? Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet) Mr. Praline: Well. (pause) Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place? Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure. And don't forget, the palindrome of Bolton would be Notlob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Jaap Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 I'm really enjoying this thread! Moving to 24/7 V11 so that it not gets lost... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrt Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 No one expected that! .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belfastguzzi Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Moving to 24/7 V11 so that it not gets lost... 63039[/snapback] Here we go. I knew this was the start of The Great Purge. Soon, it will be, "OK Nogbad, we've just moved you to 24/7... so that you don't get lost. You'll like it there." Next thing, he'll be pruned! So Nogbad deserves it, ok, but BEWARE: we'll all go the same way! We're doomed! Doomed I tell you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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