For our American friends

[Guzzirider]

TOP 30 THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A REDNECK SAY:

 

30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only thirteen.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

17. Give me the SMALL bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the décor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I've got it all on the C: drive.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate.

6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. I need to check my e-mail.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

3. You All.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving.

[dmoon64]

Damn,

 

I read number 29 and thought "That's awful expensive for a fishing reel."

 

[richard100t]

Ha ha thats pretty good! I wonder if we could make a similar list for the British. Hmmm things you'll never hear an Englishman say...

1) No thank you, we dont need any help with the Germans

2) No thank you, I'll pay for my own healthcare

I'm sure theres lots of biting comments I could throw in about the royal family & you guys driving on the wrong side of the road. However I'm much too busy feeling up my sister & yelling at my Mom to get me another beer. It is a doublewide trailer & I'm too lazy to walk the 70ft from the bedroom to the fridge. I wish the dog wouldnt sh!t on the floor so much too, but its easier than taking him for a walk.

[DeBenGuzzi]

or how about french ppl never will say

1) Man, I really need to take a shower.

2) I really need to shave

3) This american wine is really good!

4) nope we don't need any help with the germans either

5) We won!

I could go on but I live in a Single trailer and CAN reach the fridge from the bedroom so I'm totally gone.

[Guest ratchethack]

Damn,

 

I read number 29 and thought "That's awful expensive for a fishing reel."

 

71125[/snapback]

[Ralph Werner]

Number 1/2: Will getting my teeth bonded make me look more sophisticated?

[jrt]

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

[soloNH]

Now for some Redneck knowledge;

 

North Carolina redneck passed away and left his entire estate in trust for

his beloved widow. However, she can't touch it until she turns 14.

 

Folks in Georgia now go to some movies in groups of 18 or more. They were

told 17 and under are not admitted.

 

The minimum drinking age in Tennessee has been raised to 32. It seems

they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

 

In Mississippi, reruns of "Hee Haw" are called documentaries.

 

How can you tell if a West Virginia redneck is married?

There's dried tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.

 

South Carolina has a new $3,000,000 State Lottery. The winner gets $3 a

year for a million years.

 

The best thing to ever come out of Arkansas is Interstate 40.

 

An Alabama State Trooper stopped a pickup truck. He asked the driver, "Got

any ID?" The driver said, "Bout what?"

 

If she aint good enough for family, she aint good enough nobody.

 

Spring IS comming!

[todd haven]

Q:Wattaya call a 14 year old girl in Arkansas, who just happens to run faster than her brother??

 

A: A Virgin

 

I hope you guys realize what you have started here.

Knowing Tx, I feel a need to hang around, just to watch.

 

Kinda like slowing down for a car wreck, just to see the blood.

[todd haven]

Ha ha thats pretty good! I wonder if we could make a similar list for the British. Hmmm things you'll never hear an Englishman say...

 

 

1. Empire, Schmempire...

 

2. The check is in the mail for those Lend-Lease destroyers.

Thanks so much. They were a great help.

 

3. Welcome to England, would you like to date my sister, Corporal?

 

4. Why, yes, we would appreciate your input on the Irish situation.

 

5. Happy 4th of July.

[docc]

Watching "Road Racers" this evening with my 11 year old. ( a documentary sponsered by the Irish Arts Council from the 70's showing Joey Dunlop's early days in Ulster.)

 

Rather awkward to explain why uniformed men with L1A1s had to patrol the road course prior to the race . . . bombs and such.

 

Something to the effect , "Well, the Irish and the Scottish didn't win their wars like the Americans, Honey. Now, run along and skin me down another brewsky before ya bonk yer cousin."

[belfastguzzi]

Watching "Road Racers" ... from the 70's

71168[/snapback]

Hey not bad, You're getting 30year old programmes now. I thought that you guys in the Tenni Sea were backward, but you're catching-up rightly. Watch out for a sophisticated and hillarious new comedy coming your way soon. It's called the Beverley Hillbillies.

 

Edit

just remembered

I'm sure that there was a series on tv about 40 years ago, featuring that other fine Ulsterman, Davy Crockett. 'Davy, Davy Crockett, King of the wild frontier...' can't remember the rest of the theme song.

 

Keep your eyes peeled for that one.

 

Edit 2 It was actually made in the 50s, so turn your tv on NOW. It could be the Tenni Sea premiere anytime, even as you read this.

[todd haven]

just remembered

I'm sure that there was a series on tv about 40 years ago, featuring that other fine Ulsterman, Davy Crockett. 'Davy, Davy Crockett, King of the wild frontier...' can't remember the rest of the theme song.

 

 

Born on a mountain top in Tennessee,

Greenest state in the land of the free.

Raised in the woods so's he knew every tree,

Killed him a bear when he was only three.

 

Davy, Davy Crockett King of the Wild Frontier.

 

Fought single handed through the Injun war,

Till the Creeks was whipped and peace was restored.

And while he was handling this risky chore,

Made himself a legend, forevermore.

 

Davy, Davy Crockett the man who don't know fear.

 

He went of to Congress and served a spell

Fixin' up the government and laws as well.

Took over Washington, I heard tell,

And patched up the crack in the Liberty Bell.

 

Davy, Davy Crockett, seein' his duty clear.

 

When he come home, his politickin' was done,

While the western march had just begun.

So he packed his gear, and his trusty gun

And let out a grinnin' to follow the sun.

 

Davy, Davy Crockett, Leadin the Pioneer.

 

 

Didn't know there was an Ulster in Tennessee.

Or that it featured bears.

[badmotogoozer]

I know this is on somebody's Christmas list... Redneck doorbell.

[jrt]

I know this is on somebody's Christmas list...  Redneck doorbell.

71217[/snapback]

That's nasty.

 

 

 

 

Some of these sound an awful lot like Aggie jokes (Texas A&M= Aggies).

 

You heard about the tragedy that happened on the A&M campus? It was awful, the library burnt down.

They lost everything......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

both books....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

one of wasn't even colored in yet.