Why one awshit wipes out a thousand attaboys

[callison]

The discussion on why one awshit wipes out a thousand attaboys came up on the Oz Forum recently and I thought I'd share part of it with you guys...

 

Starting with:

 

"I'm sure you get enough ATTABOYS, but realizing that 100 ATTABOYS are wiped out by one AWSHITE, I felt it was worth the effort to give you an ATTABOY!

 

Sorry if that AWSHITE counted against the ATTABOYS!"

 

Of course, that isn't entirely correct. We know that one awshit wipes out a thousand attaboys, not a mere 100. But what we really want to know is why an awshit has this awesome power, so I will try to enlighten you on the subject.

 

You have to understand some of the basics of paranormal particle physics to understand the colloquial expression in it's entirety. On the surface, the expression "One awshit wipes out a thousand attaboys" is fairly simple. It can be properly interpreted as meaning that no matter how well you do something, one mistake can completely negate the value of things that you've done well. Should you not believe this, just refer to how your boss evaluates you prior to your next raise...

 

But I digress.

 

So, let us delve into the underlying physics of this phenomenon. As you are probably aware from the basic science taught at grade school levels, opposites attract and likes repel for magnets and nuclear particles such as electrons and protons. Magnets can be easily used to demonstrate this property, nuclear particles such as electrons and protons much less so due to their size. Yet we all see the effects of these interactions in everything around us. What you may not realize is that there is an entire and undocumented field termed paranormal particle physics, and just as our more accepted physics models affect our everyday lives, so do the effects of paranormal particles. What, you may ask, is a paranormal particle? Well, insofar as I am not well versed in the subject, I will tell you that I know of two - the "Luckon" and the "Murphon". Like their counterparts in normal physics, they have mass and charge, but they react differently than electrons and protons. In paranormal physics, likes attract and opposites repel, quite the opposite of normal everyday, mundane physics. The luckon and the murphon even have symbols to annotate them - but they aren't Greek. The luckon bears the hand symbol with the forefinger and thumb in a circle in the time honored fashion of "Okay!", whereas the the murphon gets the hand symbol with middle digit extended fully in the fashion of well, giving the finger, or "F#$k You". You get the idea. These are entirely appropriate to the nature of these particles by the way, given their effect on objects and people around them. Especially people. More on that in a bit. These particles have mass, just like electrons and protons. Protons are vastly more heavy then electrons and it takes a considerable quantity of electrons to counter a single proton on a mass scale. So too, do the luckon and murphon have mass. The murphon outweighs the luckon by exactly one thousand and one to one (1001:1). I'm certain that you can see where I'm going with this now. If these particles attract each other and repel opposites, there must be instances where large quantities of these particles have accreted to the betterment or detriment of the physical object closest to them. Don't believe me? Remember High School? Remember the guys that always seemed to get the girls? And the more girls they got, the more girls were attracted to them. The "jocks". Yeah, you get my drift. These guys had an accumulation of luckons about them, and they just kept getting more. Their counterparts were the downtrodden and unloved schmucks that just seemed to attract all of the bad things in life to themselves. What do I mean "seemed to"? Hell, they did, they just didn't know why. They had a cloud of murphons hanging around about them. Poor guys, they just didn't have the good luck that the jocks with the luckons had. But, fame - and luckons - are fickle and fleeting. All if takes is one mistake, or one murphon, to blow away that cloud of luckons and the popular guy quickly becomes an outcast. Just fumble the ball during a crucial playoff game and you're not the hero anymore. Same for paranormal particle physics. The murphon outweighs the luckons and it only takes one murphon to blow away a thousand luckons.

 

Okay, so now we know why some people have good luck and why some don't. Bad luck is really a cloud of murphons and so the expression "He has a black cloud hanging over him" isn't so far from the truth. It just isn't visible. But it is tangible in its effects. So how does one get out from underneath the cloud? Well, it's logical enough. Since likes attract in paranormal particle physics, then it follows that finding a larger cloud of murphons than the one you're under means that you can rid yourself of your cloud by letting it attach to someone elses cloud - providing theirs is larger. Woe unto the owner of the larger cloud though. Of course, you do have to be careful of someone else with a smaller cloud searching you out in an effort to rid themselves of theirs but it's pretty easy to spot the hard luck cases of life and maintain some distance from them. By best way by far to rid yourself of a cloud of murphons though, is to look about for an obvious source of bad luck such as a tax bureau or government service. These entities exist under very large and impersonal clouds of murphons dispelling gloom and bad tidings upon everyone and everything they associate with. Just go to work for one of them for a while, and your own black cloud will happily merge with the larger one. Now just slip out the door while the black cloud of doom has its attention centered on somebody else.

 

Oh yeah. April Fool's! And now you have something to start the new year off with.

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

[dlaing]

Attaboy, Carl!

And a happy New Year to you too!