Dealing with Telemarketers

[helicopterjim R.I.P.]

Method One: messing with their mind!

 

press here

 

Method Two: telling them how you feel!

 

 

I just can't decide. They both seem to get the job done!

[twhitaker]

I'll just put them on hold and continue with my dinner. If they are still on the line when I pick it back up, I'll listen to what they have to say.

[Admin Jaap]

I once had a very aggressive NY stock broker on the phone. I told him in Dutch he should piss off and go f*ck himself. I don't think he understood me, but he got the message.

[KiloSjon]

Another tip: if you are dealing with automatic response systems, find here a list of cheat codes to get to a human as fast as possible...

 

Cheers,

 

KiloSjon (for direct access, dial 1-1-0-0.. )

[Admin Jaap]

Something different: A neat trick to brighten up the weekly groceries shopping: If you have to pay f.i. € 35,59, pay with € 50,- and ask the 17 year old cashier if she needs 72 cents for easy return money...

 

The stupid faces you get make your saturday morning

[badmotogoozer]

The way our phone system here works (or used to work, I haven't had a telemarketer in a long time) is that the connection is only terminated when the callee hangs up. When I get a telemarketer I just put the phone down in front of the radio or TV and wait for the screams when they realize their line is stuck open no matter what they do. I'll let them wail and scream for about a half hour before I pick it up and say "thanks for holding, all our operators are currently busy" and hang up.

 

Could be why I don't get telemarketers anymore.

 

Rj

[Guest Nogbad]

These people really annoy the hell out of me. Their databases are crap too. I regularly get calls from telemarketers asking for "Mr Morgan". I happen to know that this former resident of my house died in 1963. Hence it is with great delight I reply with things like; "Only if you are a medium", "That might be difficult unless you have a hotline to God" and the perennial "pause.... put on a cracked and weak voice... I'm so sorry, he died!"

 

Of course, the really persistent ones come out with the phrase "In that case can I speak with the homeowner?" When this happens I know that it is not personal to me, and I either hang up, say NO and hang up, or if there are no children in earshot use; "NO, F**K OFF" and hang up.

 

If you have the time, you can bait them in various ways. The longer you get them to spend on a fruitless call the fewer victims per hour there are, so you are being public spirited! Try not understanding anything they say, deliberately getting the wrong end of the stick, flirting, feigning interest and then changing your mind just before "closure" etc. etc. etc.

[DeBenGuzzi]

I like to let them go through their whole speech until the final sale and say well I dunno, let them sell you on it three times and say no thanks and hang up. If I have the time I love doing that crap. That Mabe guy really has the right idea tho. Yelling at them doesn't work.

[Guest golden goose]

Dealing with telemarketers can actually be fun, if you have both the time and the inclination. I have three preferred methods. In each case, I get them to amicably hang up on me. Kinda cool.

 

Method Numero Uno:

Answer the phone, preferably you have caller ID and can guess its a telemarketer. Answer and hit the mute button. Go get a beer. Turn down the phone volume and turn on the TV or some music. You can also log onto V11Lemans.com and read some new posts.. They will hang up eventually.

 

Method Numero Dos:

Answer the phone. Peck away on v11Lemans.com and when it FINALLY comes time for YOU to say something, lick your lips and let out your best rendition of a jungle bird call: Koo kooo, Caw Caw Caw CAW!!!!! Whenever it is your turn to say something give a nice, well practised bird call. They will hang up soon enough.

 

Method Numero Tres:

I have saved the best for last. This one is a blast. Answer the phone, listen only somewhat carefully to what they have to say, and when it comes your turn to say something, tell them: "you know, I am really glad you called, and I am interested in what you have to sell. In fact I don't just want one, I am really interested in 3. But I have this one little problem. I am a lawyer, and for clients with an established business history with me, my time goes for $240/hour, that's $4/minute. Now, since you don't have an established business history with me, and since you are interrupting my work for clients that do, you fall into the $300/hour, that's $5/minute category. You know how it is, if you want to break line on paying customers, you have to pay a premium, right? I thought you would understand. And since according to my law clock, you have used 5 minutes already, that's $25, so I am going to need your credit card number to continue this conversation...."

 

They will either hang up on you right then and there, try bullshitting you some more (stick to your legal guns, press for thet credit card number), or they will transfer you to their supervisor, in which case, you get to start all over again, but now you are getting hard nosed about your remuneration. Invariably they will eventually hang up on you.

 

 

The last one works and is fun, for a few times a week, or maybe twice a night. But when this becomes 20-30 calls a night, just pick up the pjhone and say "I'll take it", and hang up.

[slug]

I prefer the blunt approach, like this guy.

[antonio carroccio]

[helicopterjim R.I.P.]

I prefer the blunt approach, like this guy.

 

You didn't check method 2, did you?

[antonio carroccio]

Ja, Jim, you was first. He didn't.

Is it alright now?

[slug]

Ja, Jim, you was first. He didn't.

Is it alright now?

 

Didn't check #2.

[DeBenGuzzi]

how about this one? how did he get the phone number for a internet spammer?

http://ebaumsworld.com/2006/06/angryspam.html

 

haha buttwipe...